Following the great success of our previous list to make lists, which got Stumbled, Dugg, Twittered (?) and Delicioused (???), time is nigh and high for the next in our Blogging 101 series: How to write a how-to post.

How-to articles are the vertebra of the internet, the backbone of the worldwide web and the exoskeleton of what’s inside them. But we all know how difficult it is to write a “how-to”.

Here are my five handy hints for all aspiring how-to authors:

1. Write about what you know. A certain level of expertise is required if you’re going to expound your ideas to the public. Six years of post-secondary education is the bare minimum. If you are the kind of person who wears jogging pants as casual wear, you don’t qualify, unless you’re writing “how to neglect your personal hygiene for idiots.”
2. Don’t assume any prior knowledge. Your reader is, most likely, not the sharpest spanner in the spanner-pot. You can pretty much take it for granted that whatever your level of knowledge (because you’ll all ignore point one above), they will know less than you. You’ve got to take it back to beginning, or you’ll be slapped with lawsuits when they get bitten trying to milk their dogs (there’s a knack, you know …)
3. Pictures are helpful. Diagrams are good not only for the illiterate, but they’re helpful for the bored, the lazy, the juvenile and the technically incompetent, not to mention the dyslexics. They can also make life easier on the eye. It is a truth universally acknowledged that most blog posts are read in under 20 seconds. Pictures make people hang around. Upskirt photos of celebrity beaver make people hang around even longer.
4. Post your “how-to” in the appropriate spot. Perhaps you have a “Web Blog” where you can post your how-to article. What a wonderful idea! Posting a “how-to” “article” on a “Web Blog” will attract visitors from “all” around the world. This is especially the case if you’re writing about something that people “all” around the “world” are interested in. “How to deal with parish politics”, “How to monitor equitable feudalism” and “How to do a Chinese Burn” are such topics that will have universal appeal. They must be published on an internet “Web Blog” that can be translated into at least three languages. OR IT WON’T EVER WORK. Another possibility is to write a letter to your local newspaper or the Economist. Ask for Dave.
5. Sit back and watch the money roll in! There are few jobs as satisfying as teaching, and writing “How-to” articles is an extension of that. It’s also incredibly well paid, especially if you can syndicate your material through an affiliate scheme or television program. Just remember me when you’re sipping your Mojito in Panama while a nubile young slut polishes your wand!

That’s all for now. Got any comments? Feel free to leave them below!