How long has it been since you last had some “cyber”? Perhaps you’re feeling out of practice? Never fear! Eurojism is here to show you how to have great, safe time on the internet chat room with this handy cut-out-and-keep guide.

Below are some stock phrases that you should use when asked to join in on some “sexy-time”:

• I’m rubbing brasso all over my donkey hole.
• I’m having a crap as I write this.
• I’ve got three fingers stuck in an open wound on my left thigh and I’m snorting a mixture of petrol and sherbert.
• I’ve sunk three Viagra and half a bottle of washing up liquid. I’m puking bubbles etc etc …
• My Filipina nurse has left the kitchen door open and there’s a sexy draught.
• Do you speak to your mother with those fingers?
• How much for ten-minutes standing up?
• My armpit has never been so smooth … or RADIANT!
• Mmm … lick my teeth. No, not the incisor, the molar.
• I have a small mole on my cock. Can you call pest control?

There we go! Have a fun sexy and SAFE time! I’d love to hear your suggestions! Leave them in the comments below …

Tarata for now!