Malta have general elections this week.

There may be a new president. To be president of Malta is a prestigious appointment. In British terms this is a bit like being elected head of the Parents and Teachers Association of a large school in Manchester.

He will have four men to carry him from one side of the island to another. He will have somebody to clean his shoes and iron his shirts. His mother.

I would like to be the president of Malta.

IF all you have done is stand in the cold all night, looking menacing, not letting black kids in the front door, scowling and Fucking About, I AM NOT GOING TO PAY you for the luxury of leaving your club. I’ve already paid five times Zimbabwean inflation for a fucking vodka tonic and paid again each time I’ve wanted to go for a piss so YOU’RE not getting a greased palm for standing around with your bad attitude like a malevolent troglodyte door-monkey.

Pratt of the week.  

“A man who planned to walk from Bristol to India without any money has quit, after getting as far as Calais, France.”

Hippy barnacled freelove dropout drops out of stroll cross-country. For his own good as well as everyone else’s.

Mark Boyle, 28, who set out four weeks ago with only T-shirts, a bandage and sandals, hoped to rely on the kindness of strangers for food and lodging.

But, because he could not speak French, people thought he was free-loading or an asylum seeker.

The whole sad, sorry story …

I AM SO PROUD I WIL WRITE IN CAPS LOL

LEONA LEWIS (see prvs Post) equals CLOSEST match to Bleeding Bumholes …

CLICK pic for THE PROOF …

My Hemorrhoid, by B. McCluskey, aged 27.34

Oh! Little Mountain of misery!
Bleeding bumhole of desolation!
Grape-size lump of fleshy indignation!
Lead me not to the proctologist!

Oh! Little Mound of fleshy Fire!
Scratchy, oozing, digestive mistake!
Veiny flap of ricey discomfort!
Lead me not to the Barium Enema!

Belgians love their dogs. They let their dogs do what they want. Brussels is a temple to dogshit.

But what’s wrong with this picture?

The grass.

Brussels doesn’t have this much grass.

Knickerless Sarkozy tells a peasant to “go fuck himself, you little shit!”

Dirty Dawg.